An Array Of Thoughts

I will be putting entries of my personal confessions on different aspects of my life. These entries are and will be in no particular order, some will be short, others may be up to a page long.

Questions are welcome, inbox them and I will consider them, that doesn’t mean I’ll reply to all.

Other personal confessions will be scattered throughout twitter, maybe on facebook, so come follow me @GrayLuna and facebook.com/grayluna.

I haven’t really had any time to post much for reasons which I will later talk about, hence why this post is super uber late.

I can’t imagine my life without my mothers. Yes, I said mothers, that’s not a typo. My grandma and my mother, they are the most influential people in my life and I’m grateful and honored to have been part of their lives. So to cut it nice and simple because I’m tired and half asleep:

To my Grandmother:

I cannot fathom the thought of you not being in my life, I am the person I am today because of you. You taught me self-respect, love, and self-worth. The time I spend with you every time I get the chance to, I cherish like it’s the last time. I know this might seem childish, but I cannot come to terms that you will leave this world just like the rest of us, because in my eyes, in my heart, you are immortal. I keep thinking that you will always be here, forever, that I will grow old with you, that you will see my great great grandchildren with me, if I ever decide to have kids first. I feel the need to tell you that when that time comes, for us to part ways, I won’t be able to hold back my sorrow in its entirety.  And it’s that same great sorrow in the back of my mind that keeps me being grateful for every day that you are alive, that you are healthy, and that you are loved. I want to thank you for loving me and for showing me that you don’t have to have it all to be happy, to take joy in the simple things, however insignificant it may seem to others. Thank you for being in my life.

Much Love,

 Belen

To my Mother:

You brought me into this world, you have been my mother and my father. You have supported me in every way you can, even when you knew that I was wrong. You let me make mistakes in order to learn from them and that is something I will carry on to my kids. I want to thank you for never allowing me to give up on my education, even when I was close to being a drop-out. Thank you for putting up with my temper, but we both know where it got it from [[you]]. I know we don’t see each other a whole lot since we are both such hard working women, but the little time I do get to spend with you, even if it’s just for 10 minutes that day, I want you to know that I do appreciate it, and I am grateful for everything that you do. Thank you for being part of my life and for never giving up on me =].

I love you, 

Belen.

It’s sad that I can look at a picture from my father’s side of the family and yet only recognize two people in it: my grandmother and my uncle [excluding my great grandparents].

I don’t know anyone from my father’s side, not even my cousins, I was too young to remember everyone. It’s taken me a long time to come to the realization that I honestly can care less about this family. The only people that ever attempted to have a relationship with me, and to this date still do, are the two people mentioned earlier, the rest, can honestly fall down the rabbit hole and rest assure I won’t go after them. I’m sorry guys, you’re going to have to try harder to get to know me if you truly wish to speak to me.

This has been weighing heavily my mind for quite some time now, and the reason being that some of these family members have been trying to add me on Facebook, I only have my uncle and one cousin who I only accepted because I remember her face the most growing up, yet, I still have no clue who she is or why she added me. I mean I didn’t even add my father when he messaged me trying to speak to me so what makes them think I’ll add them? Guess he thought I’d  friend request him but think again ‘dad.’ Now I know it seems harsh to cut everyone out because of my father but I am willing to speak to the rest of the family, just not him.

I won’t lie, I was pleasantly surprised/amazed that he messaged me, actually took the time to look me up on the web, not that my name is an average name so i’m pretty easy to find, and try having a conversation with me. I know I don’t talk much about my father and it’s because he’s really not worth talking about, but to have the audacity to think that I would be genuinely happy to hear from him enough to ‘add’ him to my friend list as if he’d be part of my life after not being in it for over 15 years, is a very naive and stupid thought. So I’d thought best to send a message where you don’t have to send a request to read the following:

To my father: 

You have never been there for me, you chose not to be in my life, and as a result I chose to cut you off my life long before you even realized I was dotting your picture from the frame. I have grown up without a father figure, but don’t feel bad, because mom, my ama chela, and my grandfather filled in those shoes far better than you ever will; don’t blame others for your failure with me, because the way I see it, you did me a favor and made it easy for me to stop missing you and caring for you.

There is only one thing I hold dear from you and me, our full moon campings, those were the happiest times of my life and I want to thank you for those small, insignificant moments that made me feel like I was a daughter to you. Deciding to let you go, especially at such a young age, was very hard for me, so don’t you dare think that it was an over night thought. I’d sit and cry outside my window on those full moon nights, thinking, hoping you’d call just to see how I was doing. Just calling, that’s all I ever wanted, for you to show me you still had me in your mind, your only daughter, but you wouldn’t, you didn’t, and as much as it pains me to say it, to admit it, it still hurts, maybe not as much as it did back then, but pain is pain no matter how mild it may feel.

I wish you the best in life with whom ever you are with and however many kids you have by now, and although I carry the family name, I will always be a Jimenez first, because that’s the family that raised me, that’s the family that knows who I was, who I am now, and who I will become. They know my hopes and dreams, my goals and achievements my likes and dislikes, the worst and best moments of my life thus far and they shall continue to  be involved in my life even if they aren’t here physically with me. I know all of my cousins, aunts, and uncles, even great uncles/aunts, I love them all. And as far as you and your side of the family is concerned, you will forever remain as the Others.

Best regards,

Your First Kid.

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it’s breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you’ll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You’ll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what’s the use of crying?
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

I just find it super weird that my whole life I have associated myself with the number 6, 33, and 13 and these are the numbers of my life path O_O. WEIRD MOMENT.

6 (6, 15/6, 24/6, 33/6)

The Life Path 6 suggests that you entered this plane with tools to become the ultimate nurturer, and a beacon for truth, justice, righteousness, and domesticity. Your paternal, or maternal, as the case may be, instincts with a 6 Life Path exceed all others by a considerable margin. Whether in the home or in the work place, you are the predominant caretaker and family head. While the 6 may assume significant responsibilities in the community, the life revolves around the immediate home and family, for this is the most domestic of numbers. Conservative principles and convictions are deeply ingrained and define your character.

You are idealistic and must feel useful to be happy. The main contribution you make is that of advice, service, and ever present support. You are a humanitarian of the first order. It is your role to serve others, and you start in the home environment. You are very human and realistic about life, and you feel that the most important thing in your life is the home, the family and the friends.

This is the Life Path related to leadership by example and assumption of  responsibility, thus, it is your obligation to pick up the burden and always be ready to help. If you are like the majority with Life Path 6, you are one who will willingly carry far more than your fair share of any load, and you are always there when needed. In doing so, you take ownership and often become an authority over the situation.

In romance, the 6 is loyal and devoted. A a caretaker type, you are apt to attract partners who are somewhat weaker and more needy than yourself; someone you can care for and protect. The main ingredient that must prevail in the relationship is complete harmony. You don’t function well in stressful relationships that become challenges for you to control. It is the same with friends, you are loyal and trustworthy. But there is a tendency for you to become dominating and controlling.

It’s likely you feel compelled to function with strength and compassion. You are a sympathetic and kind person, generous with personal and material resources. Wisdom, balance, and understanding are the cornerstones of your life, and these define your approach to life in general. Your extraordinary wisdom and the ability to understand the problems of others is apt to commence from an early age. This allows you to easily span the generation gap and assume an important role in life early on.

The number 6 Life Path actually produces few negative examples, but there are some pitfalls peculiar to the path. You may have a tendency to become overwhelmed by responsibilities and a slave to others, especially members of you own family or close friends. It’s easy for you to fall into a pattern of being too critical of others; you also have a tendency to become too hard on yourself. The misuse of this Life Path produce tendencies for you to engage in exaggeration, over-expansiveness, and self-righteousness. Modesty and humility may not flow easily. Imposing one’s views in an interfering or meddling way must be an issue of concern.

The natural burdens of this number are heavy, and on rare occasions, responsibility is abdicated by persons with this Life Path 6. This rejection of responsibility will make you feel very guilty and uneasy, and it will have very damaging effects upon your relationships with others.

Just got done watching Game of Thrones and I’m so creeped out O_O.

WTF is up with that red headed psycho pulling a demon out of her vagina?! She needs to get killed as soon as possible along with that so-called child..

 Daenerys is going through hell, can’t wait until she starts reaping hell and bring everyone to her knees. Also can’t wait to see how Arya saves herself from the lanesters. 

I know this whole war is for a throne, but I don’t think I want anyone on the iron seat, everyone has good reason to have the throne. But either way I’m supporting the Starks and Targaryens, well the last one of them all.

Length: 

10 inches

Wood:

Silver Lime [Only in pottermore, J.K.’s exclusive content]

According to Pottermore, silver lime is an incredibly unusual and attractive wood that works best for Seers and those skilled at Legilimency [the act of magically navigating through the many layers of a person’s mind]. It was greatly in vogue in the nineteenth century when the demand outstripped supply, causing some wandmakers to dye other wood in effort to fool purchasers into believing they had purchased a silver lime wand. 

So in other words, this wood is almost extinct!

Core:

Phoenix Feather

This is one of the rarest core types. Phoenix feathers are capable of the greatest range of magic, though they may take longer than either unicorn or dragon cores to reveal this. They show the most initiative, sometimes acting of their own accord, a quality that many witches and wizards dislike.

Phoenix feather wands are always the pickiest when it comes to potential owners, for the creature from which they are taken is one of the most independent and detached in the world. These wands are the hardest to tame and to personalize, and their allegiance is usually hard won.

Flexibility:

Slightly Yielding

Wand flexibility or rigidity denotes the degree of adaptability and willingness to change possessed by the wand-and-owner pair - although, again, this factor ought not to be considered separately from the wand wood, core and length, nor of the owner’s life experience and style of magic, all of which will combine to make the wand in question unique.

So wand and myself are willing to change, slowly and not a whole lot..

In conclusion, I have a picky and hard to find wand =]. How that suits me so well.

Find me in Ravenclaw : LumosNiffler16102

“Wit beyond measure is man’s greatest treasure.”